Falling Apart

I'm falling apart,

I'm going insane.

My mind is a mess,

My world is crashing.

I want to live,

I want to die.

I want to laugh,

I want to cry.

I don't know what 

I want and what I don't.

I'm making mistakes,

I'm screwing up.

I know what to do,

But can't seem to do it.

I'm fucking around, and 

Being fucked around.

I'm getting weaker,

Where I should be stronger.

I know my weaknesses, and

I'm making them weaker.

I'm beyond making excuses,

I've used them all.

What can I do,

What else is there?

I've done so much, and 

Learned so little.

What more can I say,

What more should I say?

I'm falling apart,

I'm going insane.

My mind is a mess, and 

My world is crashing.

At 15, I had lived a troubled home life, finally found my first boyfriend, had sex, turned down the road of smoking, drinking and drugs and quickly sped down the road to hell. The first boyfriend I was in a relationship with turned out to be the eye-opener who certainly showed me another side to life. A story in itself, I will save that for another day, but coming out of that I went wild. Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll, and all that happens in between. At this point, writing this, I had spent the summer running all over town, with anyone who wanted to "have a good time" and my mind was having a hard time handling it all. What did I do? I let myself keep falling of course...